My wife pointed me to this interesting email forward. Kudos to whoever wrote it.
1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the process to produce a baby. And lastly…
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. Bullshit Gotchas Project Management
Linking and Sharing
If you found this page useful, consider linking to it.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
It will look like this: Funny side of software delivery.
Trackback
Trackback URI for this entry:
http://www.prakashonsoftware.org/blog/index.php/2007/09/21/funny-side-of-software-delivery/trackback/
My recent attempts to get back a tax refund lead me to the tax dept's website which had a prominent marquee running that said "New Income Tax blog". Here's the landing page of the blog. Yes. That's correct. You need a goddamn login id and a password to read the "blog" and there seems to be no way of knowing how to get login credentials. If someone can help me get into this blog I would love to know what the babus in the tax dept are thinking. Will be a good case study on how not to use blogging as a medium.
Bullshit Consumer Internet Gotchas Indian Business
Linking and Sharing
If you found this page useful, consider linking to it.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
It will look like this: Indian Income tax dept blog.
Trackback
Trackback URI for this entry:
http://www.prakashonsoftware.org/blog/index.php/2007/06/15/indian-income-tax-dept-blog/trackback/
I sometimes receive LinkedIn networking requests from like minded professionals which I welcome and reciprocate. But this one was different. I can't imagine people going to the extent of impersonating a corporate honcho in an attempt to get connections. I received the following regular email (not linkedIn request). Read on to discover contact baiting.
Hello,
I am an advanced networker on LinkedIn, and was hoping that you could send me an invitation to my linkedin account to join your network. My name is <Insert a Fortune 10 VP's name>, and my linkedin e-mail address is xxxx@public-email.com. I have a few thousand connections on LinkedIn - and I endeavour to add more qualified individuals to my network in order to expand everyone's access to other professionals and individuals who benefit from the social networking offered through sites like Linked In. Please see my personal networking contract below.
My profile on LinkedIn is located here: Insert a genuine link to the Fortune 10 VP's profile.
NAME’S PERSONAL NETWORKING CONTRACT
What does it mean to be a connection? I established my Personal Networking Contract to share my thoughts and expectations. It's my pledge of support for my network.
I would be honored to be a part of your personal network. That carries a responsibility that I take seriously. I pledge to help, support, and inform you so that we both may grow and succeed in our personal and business endeavors. The following outlines some specific aspects of my commitment.
I trust you feel similarly in return as a part of my network.
CURRENT. I will provide current information on my email address(es), other forms of contact as appropriate, and my availability either directly or through our mutual online network. I will make sure that my primary email address is current.
TIMELY. I will endeavor to process your online network requests on a timely basis. Sometimes this will be same day. Generally this will be 3 days or less. However in case of vacation, travel, or personal or business emergency, the delay may be up to 1-2 weeks.
CONTACTS. I will use the online network where we are connected for requests or contacts over that network. I will not ask you for email addresses of individuals unless you and I have a close relationship and there is an emergency.
UPDATES. Staying in touch with your contacts (or "pinging") is a fundamental part of networking. I will send you updates generally no more than once every six months. These updates may be of a personal, professional, or business nature. I invite you to similarly update me. If I contact you more frequently than an average of once a month, I will provide and use a separate opt-in process for such communications.
USE EMAIL. I will not use default forms for updates as they do not respect you and your time. They provide virtually no information and force you to start up your browser and then search for what is new on my profile. Instead I will provide the new information for the updates in the update email subject and body itself.
Thank you,
XXXX
Linking and Sharing
If you found this page useful, consider linking to it.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
It will look like this: Exposed: LinkedIn Contact baiting scam
Trackback
Trackback URI for this entry:
http://www.prakashonsoftware.org/blog/index.php/2007/05/03/exposed-linkedin-contact-baiting-scam/trackback/
Here are my top ten lies that managers tell employees in the software industry and what it really means.
I like subordinates who challenge me.
I like subordinates who give me plenty of outside ideas that my bird brain that cannot think up and that will make me look good in front of my boss. Basically, make sure your strengths appear as my strengths.
Make mistakes,they are learning opportunities.
Yeeeah! Otherwise, when crap hits the ceiling how can I pass on the buck and possibly fire you ?
Your promotion case is with senior management.
Your promotion chances are screwed. Hope you realize that and stop bothering me.
Your salary is already at the high end of your peer group group which indicates that we value you so much.
Duh! Forget about raises.
In the performance appraisal: You need to do a)… b)… and c)…. to get a promotion.
You will never get the opportunities to do a)… b)… and c)…. Realize that and shut the crap up.
If you don't deliver by this date both I and you will loose our jobs
I am trying to scare you. Please get scared.
You need to look at your salary from a long term perspective. One bad hike does not mean much in the long run. We will balance it out in the next cycle.
I hope you are not good at elementary math bozo!
I want each person to realize the value of work life balance.
Riiiiiiiiiight. I will balance the life part while you balance the work.
The company profitability has not been as good as expected, hence the lower hikes this time.
If you don't get lower hikes, how I can upgrade to the new Merc ?
We are a big company now and have responsibilities. If we give a generous hike it will impact the profitability of the whole industry.
Unless we keep your hikes low, how can add enough to the bottomline so that my ridiculous stock options can be generously bankrolled ?
The list above is imagined, but well, this is on the lighter side of management!
Bullshit Career Gotchas Life
Linking and Sharing
If you found this page useful, consider linking to it.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
It will look like this: Top ten managerial lies!
Trackback
Trackback URI for this entry:
http://www.prakashonsoftware.org/blog/index.php/2007/03/12/top-ten-managerial-lies/trackback/
Tell a friend
