Here are my top ten lies that managers tell employees in the software industry and what it really means.

I like subordinates who challenge me.
I like subordinates who give me plenty of outside ideas that my bird brain that cannot think up and that will make me look good in front of my boss. Basically, make sure your strengths appear as my strengths.


Make mistakes,they are learning opportunities.
Yeeeah! Otherwise, when crap hits the ceiling how can I pass on the buck and possibly fire you ?


Your promotion case is with senior management.
Your promotion chances are screwed. Hope you realize that and stop bothering me.


Your salary is already at the high end of your peer group group which indicates that we value you so much. 
Duh! Forget about raises. 


In the performance appraisal: You need to do a)… b)… and c)…. to get a promotion.
You will never get the opportunities to do a)… b)… and c)…. Realize that and shut the crap up.


If you don't deliver by this date both I and you will loose our jobs
I am trying to scare you. Please get scared.


You need to look at your salary from a long term perspective. One bad hike does not mean much in the long run. We will balance it out in the next cycle.
I hope you are not good at elementary math bozo!


I want each person to realize the value of work life balance.
Riiiiiiiiiight. I will balance the life part while you balance the work.


The company profitability has not been as good as expected, hence the lower hikes this time.
If you don't get lower hikes, how I can upgrade to the new Merc ? 


We are a big company now and have responsibilities. If we give a generous hike it will impact the profitability of the whole industry.
Unless we keep your hikes low, how can add enough to the bottomline so that my ridiculous stock options can be generously bankrolled ?

The list above is imagined, but well, this is on the lighter side of management!